The Question We Should Be Asking Ourselves Right Now

Simple, possibly ridiculous, and necessary

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Photo by Randy Tarampi on Unsplash

I want to start this by suggesting each of us ask ourselves a question: Am I OK?

I know that might sound simple and you might think that’s ridiculous, but I’m dead serious. I want you to ask yourself if you’re OK, and I want you to be honest with yourself about the answer.

The reason I’m talking about this is pretty straightforward, I have had to ask myself this same question and my answer “I’m not sure”. I’m not OK, but I’m not in Dire Straits or anything like that. I can only describe myself in being in some weird limbo state that allows some things to pass, and other things stick and drag me down a little bit for a little while. I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, maybe you can. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve lost my audience by talking gibberish, and it certainly won’t be the last.

Basically, I’ve spent the great majority of my time in the company of my family, or outdoors far away from everyone else. The main human contact I’ve had is with people that share my last name. I have been to see other people exactly three times in the five months we’ve been in this state. The only time I can tell you I am in the company of other people for any length of time is on Sunday Mornings when we do the groceries. I have not done any of the delivery side jobs since the shutdown because I think it’s dangerous to do so. I lost a job I absolutely loved at the end of May. I’ve been looking ever since. I’ve been doing freelance work, but it doesn’t replace my income. I wish it did.

Now, there are some among you that will tell me that I’m acting like, as one friend of mine has put it, a covidiot. There are a few people in my life that believe that this thing has been blown out of proportion, that it’s not as bad as the news has made it out to be, that it’s a big hoax and I’m a sheep. If that’s what you believe, you’re more than welcome to believe that. You do you. What I’m not going to do at any point is argue with people about this, because that’s time out of my life that I’m never getting back, and what I have seen out of the arguments I’ve read or been a witness to is that the anti-maskers are all about demanding respect for their rights, but not willing to respect the rights of others. I’m not into recognizing your right to put me in a possibly bad situation, but I’m not going to change your mind and you’re not changing mine, so let’s just leave it.

I’m realizing that I’m probably going to have to break my promise to myself that I will never take another Customer Service / Tech Support phone call, and I hate it because the second I take that job, I feel like I’ve given up. I have done a lot of things, but give up is not one of them. Still, coming to that conclusion has not done wonders for my disposition. It’s depressing, to be honest. I had a great job and I want to keep doing it. I just have to figure out how, and I don’t have so much of a plan as I have a bunch of ideas that barely string together to form a coherent thought.

As near as I can figure, what I need to do is post content every day and promote the heck out of it. I need to reach out to people and ask if they need something I can provide, like podcast editing or Voice work, for example. I think I’m going to create a storefront to sell my photos somewhere. I’m going to write like the dickens and get it submitted places. I would like to start making videos again, and that one seems to be the hardest button to button. I suffer from what I’ll call “Neistat Syndrome”. I just don’t think my life is that damn interesting compared to people like Casey Neistat or Peter McKinnon, and while I know I’m comparing myself to two of the tippety-top YouTubers, It’s still a thing I’m dealing with. I need to think about the format.

In the end, I think I have what Michelle Obama says is a ‘low key’ depression, maybe? I don’t feel bad, I just feel resigned to certain things and disappointed. I’m fifty years old, and that’s a factor. It’s true that I have more time than my parents had, there is a limited amount of time on the game clock. So I’ll do what I always do. Work, and try to pull off the seemingly impossible.

Autism Dad, Multimedia Producer, Podcaster. http://krisroley.com

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